There
are people who are simply better lovers, better observers of life, people whose
ideals reach heaven and touch hearts and who can extinguish everlasting entropy.
I learned to cast burns on myself since I was little, I learned to destroy at a
young age; I disintegrated my own paths, my walls, my relationships, and by
living that way I was never able to sustain myself normally—but she is able to,
somehow. Life gave me a fix to the burden of chaos. No matter how senseless my
evils manifested, life opposed them with an answer greater than my destruction.
Life showed me the path of pure angelicism. Through nihilism I’ve found a girl
whose outlooks are righteous, a girl who’s better at understanding people than people
can themselves.
She’s
a person who seems to control an infinite magnitude of willpower against
god—she commands an insurgency against anarchy; she is a defender to me, she
brings the calm, the peace, and the reverie of healing to my soul. I look at her from behind and I follow—safe
with comfort—she knows the best ways to live life. But I would lie to her
plenty, hurt her plenty, she stood in front of destruction and persevered; I
loved another person thinking I would be happier and kept secrets from her. I
cheated. I fed my own demon just to lose myself hoping I would find direction
out of chaos. I thought there was another way to be happy. All I found was
despair. I found things more evil than I could ever imagine, more evil than
taking another person’s life. I injured an angel’s soul.
I
have lost the privileges of light, I have lost it for myself and if it were
ever restored it will never shine as bright as she made it, but somehow, that’s
okay because any ounce of her majesty is more than I deserve. She stays but she
cries, she lives, she laughs, all with a sense of caution of my next move. She
stays because of her nature, because of her bravery. She heals and restores
because of the essence of her core. I stay because of the unselfish beauty in
her heart; I spend my remaining temporary life making her my eternal savior in
hopes for atonement. I wish to be her light; I want to be just like her. She is
so beautiful; my Eugenie is warmth I feel in my heart. I am alive because of her.
