I lie on my stomach with eyes closed, clothes entwined against my body, my heart embracing my feelings again for the first time since destruction completely enveloped me. While my ears rest from chaos, I hear nothing but my trembling palpitations; my heart panics to quickly, warningly telling me to take in the next wave of love I found.
It's so loud I thought. Love is making my heart beat so, so turbulently deep. Without love there was only you, Chaos. And you created havoc that will never truly find remediation. Without the love I desperately tried to hang on to, I felt the punctuation of your calamity--Chaos, no more. What a burden you have been, Chaos. What a tiresome burden you have inflicted my love for my wonderful love of the Universe.
Why was I chosen to feel the wrath of such a raging extremity? I do not love you yourself, Chaos. You have shown me disaster before I learned of anything else. You have shown me fires, and death. But my mom bore me out of death and flames of your catastrophe and showed me love. When she died, I turned to you. I sook out cocaine and heroine and devious acts.
You have given me such awkwardness in a world that demands only goodness! I-just-want-to-exist where love exists. I will always, always choose love over you.
I guess today I am breaking up with you. I am leaving you, Chaos. You were beautifully ugly, but it's because of --you-- that I can now find such amazement with the beauty of love--the love in myself and others. There could never have been love where you were absent. For that, thank you so very much! For that, I love you, but, for only that. And that, is what I will take with me. Because I am leaving you.
Sincerely,
Daniel
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