it was trouble finding myself in the stiff rebirth of chaos. it was trouble in the wake of my curiosity to understand why the world spins so selfishly to my own needs. i got what i wished for, and so manifested from the lacunae of burning decay was a reaper to dull the sharpness of my beliefs until it shattered my core, my ethos, my understanding of what makes the world spin just adequately enough. i chose to choose nihilism because i needed a new interpretation with the dichotomy of good vs evil. and i expected that i had chosen to forge clandestine chaos within myself. and with that, i will never understand goodness. it will always illude me because i have manufactured a true reality where there will always be consequence of discontent i must rot with in the cruelty of time.
ernest hemmingway once said, "my father is a very sentimental man, but he is also very cruel."
I understand all too well now what he means.
if you must dissect the fascia off your own heart as facetiously fevered to find yourself, remind yourself that beauty exists! it's there, somewhere worth crazily searching for and it should become your path to finding that curious sense of peace you've longed for.
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